He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I understand Curling. That high.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
