I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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