i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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