Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
