I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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