i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
