My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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