i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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