dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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