i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
