She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
