some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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