Can Purell be used as lube?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
