I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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