Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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