he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize