Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
