I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize