how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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