margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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