What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
