He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
