I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize