trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
