the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just gift wrapped bread.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
