That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
