so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
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