4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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