is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
