Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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