Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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