I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
