these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
