party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
