I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
