i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
