you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
True but thats because hes a fetus.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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