This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
