He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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