I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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