wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm like, not good at living.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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