I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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