A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize