There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
