i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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