Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
