I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
