no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
