If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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