Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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