mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
