So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
