...so i touched it.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
