I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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