Jerry, you need to find god
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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