so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
