there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
