i'm signing you up for texting rehab
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
