What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
