Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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