im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
