Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
