at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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