I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
