I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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