we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
