HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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