i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
