Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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